Pensieve: A Different Kind of V-Day (PG-15)

February 14th, Valentine's Day.

At the mention of this worldwide holiday, we instantly conjure up images of cupids and chocolates, dates and dinners, candlelight and canoodling.

It has been tradition to shower your partners with gifts, affection and extra patience on this day.

At Hamilton College, there were other traditions that are now forever added to my concept of Valentine's Day.

The first, is the Buffergram—the singing telegram delivered to anyone, anywhere at any time on February 14th. Yes, we've been known to disrupt classes and enhance romantic dining hall dates with our incomparable brand of sexy serenading.

And the second, is the annual performance of Eve Ensler's

THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES

During my senior year of college, I was invited to perform one of the pieces in front of a live audience. Without hesitation, I accepted. I was given a script of the piece I was to perform and within about thirty seconds of reading it to myself, I was in tears.

Click here to read more about the Vagina Monologues and the V-Day celebration/movement.

The piece I was to recite was written to be performed by three or four Transgendered women, but at the time of my matriculation, as far as I knew, I was the only publicly transgendered member of the Hamilton College community. The responsibility of delivering this piece rested on my shoulders alone.

Without further ado, here is the piece presented in the way I read it.

*********

Introduction

As part of Eve's work to include the voices of all women who face violence, she interviews a diverse group of transwomen in preparation for creating this piece. this piece was performed for the first time by an all transgendered cast in LA in 2004.

They Beat the Girl Out of My Boy...

Or So They Tried

At five years old

I was putting my baby sister's diapers on.

I saw her vagina.

I wanted one.

I wanted one.

I thought it would grow

I thought I would be open

I ached to belong

I ached to smell—like my mother

her sweet aroma lived in my hair

on my hands, in my skin

I ached to be pretty

Pretty

I wondered why I was missing my

Bathing suit top at the beach

Why I wasn't dressed like the other girls

I ached to be completed

I ached to belong

To twirl the baton

They assigned me a sex

The day I was born.

It's as random as being adopted

or being assigned a hotel room on the 30th floor.

It has nothing to do with who you are

Or your fear of heights.

But in spite of the apparatus

I was forced to carry around

I always knew I was a girl.

They beat me for it.

They beat me for crying.

They pummeled me for wanting

To touch

To pet

To hug

To help

To hold their hands

For trying to fly in church

   like Sister Batrell

For doing Cartwheels

Crocheting socks

For carrying purses to kindergarten

They kicked the shit out me every day

On my way to school.

In the park

They smashed my

Magic marker painted nails

They punched my lipsticked mouth

They beat the girl

out of my boy.

Or they tried.

So I went underground.

I stopped playing the flute

"Be a man, stand up for yourself

Go punch him back."

I grew a full beard

It was good I was big

I joined the Marines

"Suck it up and drive on."

I became duller.

Jaded

Sometimes cruel.

Butch it

Butch it

Butch it up.

Always clenched, inaccurate,

Incomplete.

I ran away from home

From school

From boot camp.

Ran to Miami

Greenwich Village

Aleutian Islands

New Orleans.

I found gay people

Wilderness lesbians

Got my first hormone shot

Got permission to be myself

To transition

To travel

To immigrate

350 hours of hot needles

I would count the male particles as they died

16 man hairs gone.

The feminine is in your face

I lift my eyebrows more

I'm curious

I ask questions.

And my voice

Practice

Practice

It's all about resonance

Sing song sing song

Men are monotone and flat

Southern accents are really excellent

Jewish accents really help.

"Hello, my friend"

And my vagina is so much friendlier

I cherish it

It brings me joy

The orgasms come in waves

Before they were jerky

I'm your girl next door

My Lt. Colonel father ended up

Paying for it—

My vagina

My mother was worried

what people would think

of her

That she made this happen

Until I came to church

And everyone said you have a beautiful

Daughter.

I got to be soft

I am allowed to listen

I am allowed to touch

I am able to

To receive.

To be in the present tense.

People are so much nicer to me now

I can wake up in the morning

Put my hair in a pony tail

A wrong was righted.

I am right with God.

It's like when you're trying to sleep

And there is a loud car alarm

When I got my vagina, it was like someone

Finally turned it off.

I live now in the female zone

but you know how people feel—about

immigrants

They don't like it when you come from someplace else.

They don't like it when you mix.

They killed my boyfriend

They beat him insanely as he slept

With a baseball bat

They beat this girl

Out of his head.

They didn't want him

Dating a foreigner

Even though she was pretty

And listened

And was kind.

They didn't want him falling in love

With ambiguity.

They were scared he'd get lost.

They were that terrified of love.

*********

It's ok to breathe now.

That was a whopper right?!

The first time I read it, I got chills.

The night I performed it—I broke down. It's hard to explain exactly how I felt.

Anxious
Vulnerable
Judged
Hurt

But eventually,

Victorious.

As I took my seat after delivering the monologue, I scanned the crowd and knew that somehow, the stories of all those transgendered women, my story, had touched other people that night.

The Vagina Monologues are at once touching, entertaining and empowering. These stories give us a glimpse of what it means to be a woman, the heartaches and joys, the struggles and triumphs. Hopefully, these stories inspire us to appreciate women, ourselves, and ultimately one another. It should inspire us to become decent human beings.

I would like to thank Amy Tannenbaum for having the faith and audacity to cast me in the 2010 production of the Vagina Monologues. A thank you also to the amazing women who were part of the cast with me. It's been two years since that day, but I can guarantee that that moment will be in my heart forever.

February 14th. Happy Hearts Day.

Two days ago, you'd be hard-pressed to find a TV commercial, radio jingle, status update or tweet that didn't in some way relate to Valentine's day.

My favorite went something like this:

"Valentine's day is whack. We should have one day when you can really concentrate on your enemies and haters. Because shouldn't we be celebrating love every day?"

I totally agree.

Let EVERY day be V-Day.

Appreciate and respect one another.

Celebrate Love.

Spread the Love.

Live with Love.

Love to Love.

♥

Images are edited, but were mopped from the Hamilton College Spectator.

Photo Credits to my dear friend, Nico Keller Sarmiento

Found the Monologue Script from: http://umassvagina.wordpress.com/2010/12/30/they-beat-the-girl-out-of-my-boy-or-so-they-triedkelsey-pratto-and-sam-creedintronikki-simpson/